I am feeling a little discouraged. Near tears I think. I mean, I KNOW I'm not supposed to complain or be easily offended, but right now, I just feel like...'crap'. I didn't have a very good fasting experience today, and I'm even feeling weak now, which may account for the emotion-increased heart rate, elevated body temperature, increased acidity of the blood-anyway, I am just not happy right now. Happiness is circumstantial, joy is not. I know and understand that, but shoot I'm irritated. I know at times I expect too much out of people, and I knew what the reaction would be, but man it's still hurtful.
Anyway, not feeling very motivated right now. Ugh, this is stupid. I mean, I know I will be over it very soon, but I am just, ugh, I don't even know. I'm just very stinkin' discontent right now! I guess I should pray, but man I would rather just speak what's on my mind, I can think of AT LEAST 5 scriptures to use-but I can't because my emotion would seep through, and that's not okay. *Deep breath* whatever.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Getting Free-Day Three
So, day 3, the hardest day so far. But it was only hard for a few hours. I went to a get together and there was baked spinach and cheese dip...it smelled awesome! Plus other food, cake, fruit, veggies, thinks like that. Anyway, I was fighting tooth and nail-and it worked; although it smelled great, my mouth did not water once.
Plus, thinking about how LESS satisfying it would be if I gave in to please my flesh now, than if I stayed faithful (leaning on God's strength of course) and finished the fast. That thought improved my determination tons. I pondered how many people my broken commitment to God would affect. Thought about how useless and defeated I would feel if I gave in, pleasing the flesh that is ultimately aiming to bring my downfall. In short, God kept me strong.
Today, I had an awesome time with a group of wonderful, beautiful ladies. Katie's Bridal shower was today! I love my life so much! And I love my God even more. Stay strong family! Oops, not sure if I gave a verse for the day. Here's one, sorry it's late: Psalm 55:22. Later!
Okay, I was reminded about this after reading Liz's post: Today, my sugar got pretty low and my hands began to shake. I was shopping with Liz and I felt my knees go weak, and I told her I didn't feel well. Liz bought me a fruit punch, and after drinking it I felt a little better. But I think that was the closest I've ever been to passing out, or at least feeling like I could lose control of my body. If it gets like that again I am gonna have to increase my calorie intake, up the sugar I have, and rest a ton more. Granted, today was a long, long day for me-up at 8am, home at 930pm. When you fast you're supposed to rest more, and I haven't been able to do that-I've had about 11 hours of sleep over the past 3 nights, and I have been fasting for the past 3 days. Just thought I would let you guys know that I know we're not invincible, but our God is! Prayer for a wise decision. Love you all!
Plus, thinking about how LESS satisfying it would be if I gave in to please my flesh now, than if I stayed faithful (leaning on God's strength of course) and finished the fast. That thought improved my determination tons. I pondered how many people my broken commitment to God would affect. Thought about how useless and defeated I would feel if I gave in, pleasing the flesh that is ultimately aiming to bring my downfall. In short, God kept me strong.
Today, I had an awesome time with a group of wonderful, beautiful ladies. Katie's Bridal shower was today! I love my life so much! And I love my God even more. Stay strong family! Oops, not sure if I gave a verse for the day. Here's one, sorry it's late: Psalm 55:22. Later!
Okay, I was reminded about this after reading Liz's post: Today, my sugar got pretty low and my hands began to shake. I was shopping with Liz and I felt my knees go weak, and I told her I didn't feel well. Liz bought me a fruit punch, and after drinking it I felt a little better. But I think that was the closest I've ever been to passing out, or at least feeling like I could lose control of my body. If it gets like that again I am gonna have to increase my calorie intake, up the sugar I have, and rest a ton more. Granted, today was a long, long day for me-up at 8am, home at 930pm. When you fast you're supposed to rest more, and I haven't been able to do that-I've had about 11 hours of sleep over the past 3 nights, and I have been fasting for the past 3 days. Just thought I would let you guys know that I know we're not invincible, but our God is! Prayer for a wise decision. Love you all!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Whoop-de-do, Day Two!
Greetings family, how is everyone doing this beautiful day? It was a little chilly this morning, but it has warmed up, to what Collyn says is hot, I think it's great. So, today I am doing alright. I have felt a little hungry, but not enough to even want to eat. I would say MILD discomfort. When I was walking to my roommate a little earlier, my stomach growled something loud, but I don't feel hungry, just slightly dissatisfied, and my God can take care of that.
Here's something cool: I have already had TWO conversations with people who had issues that they had not previous told anyone about...WOW! And I feel that God was able to speak to them by using little ol' me. It's day 2! One last night and another today. God is already using this hollowed out vessel for His perfect Will. I thank God for the humility and wisdom that He is constantly growing in me. I mean...wow! You guys don't get it. Not even 24 hours in and He's well beyond answering some of my small prayers. Like, if I only slept for 4 hours, praying that I would feel well rested, letting me get up early to study for a test, that people would stop offering me food...(my roommate keeps forgetting and offering me food or inviting me to eat with her at Suwanee)
So, that there proof is WELL-WORTH me feeling hunger for a bit. I'm gonna steal from Rajat and say: In fasting you are basically saying "I'm not going to satisfy myself with food but with God". Amen Brother! Oh, quote of the day Ezekiel 22:30. Pray that that is not true of THIS nation, of THIS campus, of THIS body of believers. Amen? Amen!
Love you all, stay steady. Oh, and I got a text about Praise and Worship at Joel's tonight at 8:30. See you there!
Here's something cool: I have already had TWO conversations with people who had issues that they had not previous told anyone about...WOW! And I feel that God was able to speak to them by using little ol' me. It's day 2! One last night and another today. God is already using this hollowed out vessel for His perfect Will. I thank God for the humility and wisdom that He is constantly growing in me. I mean...wow! You guys don't get it. Not even 24 hours in and He's well beyond answering some of my small prayers. Like, if I only slept for 4 hours, praying that I would feel well rested, letting me get up early to study for a test, that people would stop offering me food...(my roommate keeps forgetting and offering me food or inviting me to eat with her at Suwanee)
So, that there proof is WELL-WORTH me feeling hunger for a bit. I'm gonna steal from Rajat and say: In fasting you are basically saying "I'm not going to satisfy myself with food but with God". Amen Brother! Oh, quote of the day Ezekiel 22:30. Pray that that is not true of THIS nation, of THIS campus, of THIS body of believers. Amen? Amen!
Love you all, stay steady. Oh, and I got a text about Praise and Worship at Joel's tonight at 8:30. See you there!
Pure Prayer Info
Hey, this is a list of the prayer direction for the fast, as a reminder to you and also to myself. I took this from Roberto, who got it from Ross...who got it from God. Anywho, enjoy!
- Revelation of who God is and intimacy with Jesus
- Deep brokenness and conviction over our sins
- That people would be set free of bondages and sins that are holding them back
- For demonic strongholds of religion, sexual immorality, drunkenness and substance abuse to be broken off our campus
- For waves of repentance and salvation to sweep across our campus
That Christians and non-Christians would wake up from their spiritual slumber - That God would manifest supernaturally through us and to us through dreams, visions, and miracles
- For Christians to live committed lives to Christ and his kingdom
- Pray that apathy would be broken off of this generation
- For a boldness to come on believers at FSU and the fear of man to be broken off
- Simply put, REVIVAL. That God would show up in a way He never has before at FSU
Save the campus Save the World!!!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Le Premier Jour
Set scene: God in the presence of His holy angels, Christ the King, and four and twenty elders. Day one of the ENCM 15 days for 15 weeks-fast for FSU revival. The only big G-od, "Well, well, well-what have we here? A group of people called by my Name, fasting, praying, crying out to me to bring revival and salvation to their campus. Hm, well, I guess we'll just see how this pans out."
That's is so what I want. I want God to look down upon this campus, see the light that we are, and test and wait on our faith and determination so that He can see how serious we are and how our hearts break for our campus. Wahoo!
Day one, as everyone is blogging, is going well. I grabbed a V8 (careful, some of them have blended veggies on them!) and I feel pretty good. About to get in the Word, catch a quick snooze and then studying til Rez Week tonight. So, stay strong and stay with God. Oh, verse of the day Psalm 28:6-8. Good stuff. Kay, talk to you guys later.
That's is so what I want. I want God to look down upon this campus, see the light that we are, and test and wait on our faith and determination so that He can see how serious we are and how our hearts break for our campus. Wahoo!
Day one, as everyone is blogging, is going well. I grabbed a V8 (careful, some of them have blended veggies on them!) and I feel pretty good. About to get in the Word, catch a quick snooze and then studying til Rez Week tonight. So, stay strong and stay with God. Oh, verse of the day Psalm 28:6-8. Good stuff. Kay, talk to you guys later.
On your mark, get set...FAST!
So, here we go. Midnight marked the beginning of the longest fast I have ever attempted. I pigged out. Stuffed down more pizza than ever at Hungry Howie's, got a 4 piece chicken nugget kids meal at McDonald's an ate some of a fudge sundae. Ah well, it may be well worth it. But now I have a freezer with strawberry ice cream and yellow cake, and no one who can eat it. *sigh* I'll find something to do with it.
So yeah, I will pray for the strength of us all, please pray for mine. C'mon God! Your humble servants beseech you on behalf of this campus- we want revival! Anyway, I have to go to bed NOW to get up and study in the morning. See you bright and early. Later!
So yeah, I will pray for the strength of us all, please pray for mine. C'mon God! Your humble servants beseech you on behalf of this campus- we want revival! Anyway, I have to go to bed NOW to get up and study in the morning. See you bright and early. Later!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Warning, Very mushy by Liz's standard
*frustrated scream* ahhhhhh!!!
Geez, man, today was a roller coaster, and I'm usually not an emotional person. I am just so ughhh right now. I mean, okay, I'll lay it out as best I can. Here we go:
Okay, so the canceled 'dinner shindig' didn't go over too well. To be honest, I think he acted like a whiny 4-year-old child. And he kept texting me. So I stopped answering them. I don't know, I just felt frustrated and pressured. So, that was upsetting. It was a bad situation from the get-go: he's not a believer, older than me and as far as I know, NOT living the life of a man God would choose for me. I feel so stupid. So, yeah, I was just off today.
And then, after all of this being irritated, I was doing homework and minding my own, until something I have never felt before, and what I can only describe as 'desire' came over me. And I wanted my husband so bad. I wanted him to be the man God called him to be. And I wanted him to be very unlike what I experienced today. But I know what business my Father is in, the soul business, so I threw on some worship music, fast, and began to praise him and turn over that desire. I mean, it was so strong, it almost made me sick. It was overwhelming, I have NEVER felt anything as strong or as intimidating. It was a little scary, it came fast and violent and all I could do was cry out to God for help. I don't think I can write in written words what it felt like. I know I keep going on about it, but man, it was too much for me to handle on my own. So I placed it at the feet of Jesus and worshiped until I couldn't breathe. I love my Lord so much. I thank Him for being the perfect lover of my soul, perfect husband, perfect friend.
So then I went to Rez Week and praised my heart out with some family in the faith. Even then I had a slightly difficult time not thinking about that feeling. I kept seeing the face of the one God has for me, and it was a B-A-T-T-L-E to act out 2 Corinthians 10:5. I mean, I had to pray every few moments, and I was quoting that scripture like mad. Praise God for His holy Word. Hallelujah in the highest for having every situation addressed.
Okay, so, this post has the mushy stuff Liz accused me of posting, but this is the first one!
Oh, one more thing:
Husband, if you're reading this, know that I am even more dedicated to waiting for you. Know that I pray for you. Know that I will try harder not to give away even a hint of affection that belongs to you.
Done. sorry if that was TMI.
Geez, man, today was a roller coaster, and I'm usually not an emotional person. I am just so ughhh right now. I mean, okay, I'll lay it out as best I can. Here we go:
Okay, so the canceled 'dinner shindig' didn't go over too well. To be honest, I think he acted like a whiny 4-year-old child. And he kept texting me. So I stopped answering them. I don't know, I just felt frustrated and pressured. So, that was upsetting. It was a bad situation from the get-go: he's not a believer, older than me and as far as I know, NOT living the life of a man God would choose for me. I feel so stupid. So, yeah, I was just off today.
And then, after all of this being irritated, I was doing homework and minding my own, until something I have never felt before, and what I can only describe as 'desire' came over me. And I wanted my husband so bad. I wanted him to be the man God called him to be. And I wanted him to be very unlike what I experienced today. But I know what business my Father is in, the soul business, so I threw on some worship music, fast, and began to praise him and turn over that desire. I mean, it was so strong, it almost made me sick. It was overwhelming, I have NEVER felt anything as strong or as intimidating. It was a little scary, it came fast and violent and all I could do was cry out to God for help. I don't think I can write in written words what it felt like. I know I keep going on about it, but man, it was too much for me to handle on my own. So I placed it at the feet of Jesus and worshiped until I couldn't breathe. I love my Lord so much. I thank Him for being the perfect lover of my soul, perfect husband, perfect friend.
So then I went to Rez Week and praised my heart out with some family in the faith. Even then I had a slightly difficult time not thinking about that feeling. I kept seeing the face of the one God has for me, and it was a B-A-T-T-L-E to act out 2 Corinthians 10:5. I mean, I had to pray every few moments, and I was quoting that scripture like mad. Praise God for His holy Word. Hallelujah in the highest for having every situation addressed.
Okay, so, this post has the mushy stuff Liz accused me of posting, but this is the first one!
Oh, one more thing:
Husband, if you're reading this, know that I am even more dedicated to waiting for you. Know that I pray for you. Know that I will try harder not to give away even a hint of affection that belongs to you.
Done. sorry if that was TMI.
Man, that was DUMB!
Now I'm running to your mountain, where your mercy sets me free. You are my STRONG TOWER! EVERLASTING KING!
I know I am, running top speed. So, you ever do something that seems pretty okay, but after you've done it, this thought runs through your head : That was DUMB!
Well, as I shared with my life group last night, I have. The one i told them about was when i was trying to move the mattress of my bed to be better situated on the frame. Well, I didn't want to get off the bed, so I just grabbed the top of the mattress and tried to use my body and weight to move the mattress forward a few inches...Then my fingers slipped, the mattress didn't move, and I slammed the top of my head on the wall. Immediately thinking..."That was DUMB!"
Well, now my story is a little different, but with the same ending thought. Someone asked to take me to dinner for my birthday. Okay-Red Flag. Yeah, I ignored it. So then, one of my friends is a little confused as to why it will just be the two of us. That flag holder is frantic now. Hmm, fast forward to the next day. One of my brothers (in Christ) says "You're going on a date?!" And I implode. My excuses and explanations falling well short of defending a 'just friends' get together. God is now jumping up and down, going "Look at me baby! I'm flagging you! You told me to let you know. Hey! Over here! PAY ATTENTION!"
So, I call my Mom, talk to Liz(who was surprised I didn't pray about it first-thanks sister!), and consult God, finally. Why did it take me so long to go to Him? Oh, probably because I knew what that result would be. Yeah, pretty shocked I accepted the invitation. You know the line by now "Man...that was DUMB!" So anyway, now I see all the flags God threw at me. I'm so thankful that He's interested in every aspect of my life. Praise God for keeping me from making mistakes. Whew! Glad I got that off my chest.
Don't worry, I am going nowhere but to praise my God and hear His word preached tonight. Amen to God keeping me. Amen to being obedient (and sooner next time). Amen for my brothers and sisters. HALLELUJAH to my Lord, God and King.
(Sorry I went a little CAP crazy this post. But I had to get it out there.)
Oh, saw my husband's face again today. Nice looking guy.
I know I am, running top speed. So, you ever do something that seems pretty okay, but after you've done it, this thought runs through your head : That was DUMB!
Well, as I shared with my life group last night, I have. The one i told them about was when i was trying to move the mattress of my bed to be better situated on the frame. Well, I didn't want to get off the bed, so I just grabbed the top of the mattress and tried to use my body and weight to move the mattress forward a few inches...Then my fingers slipped, the mattress didn't move, and I slammed the top of my head on the wall. Immediately thinking..."That was DUMB!"
Well, now my story is a little different, but with the same ending thought. Someone asked to take me to dinner for my birthday. Okay-Red Flag. Yeah, I ignored it. So then, one of my friends is a little confused as to why it will just be the two of us. That flag holder is frantic now. Hmm, fast forward to the next day. One of my brothers (in Christ) says "You're going on a date?!" And I implode. My excuses and explanations falling well short of defending a 'just friends' get together. God is now jumping up and down, going "Look at me baby! I'm flagging you! You told me to let you know. Hey! Over here! PAY ATTENTION!"
So, I call my Mom, talk to Liz(who was surprised I didn't pray about it first-thanks sister!), and consult God, finally. Why did it take me so long to go to Him? Oh, probably because I knew what that result would be. Yeah, pretty shocked I accepted the invitation. You know the line by now "Man...that was DUMB!" So anyway, now I see all the flags God threw at me. I'm so thankful that He's interested in every aspect of my life. Praise God for keeping me from making mistakes. Whew! Glad I got that off my chest.
Don't worry, I am going nowhere but to praise my God and hear His word preached tonight. Amen to God keeping me. Amen to being obedient (and sooner next time). Amen for my brothers and sisters. HALLELUJAH to my Lord, God and King.
(Sorry I went a little CAP crazy this post. But I had to get it out there.)
Oh, saw my husband's face again today. Nice looking guy.
Monday, March 24, 2008
More to come...
So, remember the friend from a few posts back? Well, he came to church with me on Easter and said he was really glad he came and that he enjoyed the service. Praise God!
He(my friend) seems to understand Christianity much better now. (This one's for you Liz, I almost put 'a lot better'.) He doesn't doubt that Jesus was fully God and fully man, I praise God for this. Prayer works! Keep it coming Lord!
Moving on, my church was giving away books titled "The Case for Easter." So i grabbed one and gave it to him. Crossing my fingers he's touched by God speaking through the book. Anywho, I have started a topic called 'Lost and Found' and here I will put all of my updates about those who I personally know that are lost, seeking, and/or found. Stay tuned, should be a fun ride. Continuing to walk in faith. My God is MAJESTIC!
Glory Glory Glory!
He(my friend) seems to understand Christianity much better now. (This one's for you Liz, I almost put 'a lot better'.) He doesn't doubt that Jesus was fully God and fully man, I praise God for this. Prayer works! Keep it coming Lord!
Moving on, my church was giving away books titled "The Case for Easter." So i grabbed one and gave it to him. Crossing my fingers he's touched by God speaking through the book. Anywho, I have started a topic called 'Lost and Found' and here I will put all of my updates about those who I personally know that are lost, seeking, and/or found. Stay tuned, should be a fun ride. Continuing to walk in faith. My God is MAJESTIC!
Glory Glory Glory!
Lust, Love and Leaving it to God
So, yours truly, is having a bit of a dilemma. I am satisfied with my Lord. I am continually learning what His love really means and how deep it is.
But one of the things I want is to have a family. I know that God will bring it about (according to His will, of course), and I'm not impatient, but I catch myself thinking about my future husband. Not that that's a bad thing. And I'm not obsessing or anything. I just really want to be completely sold out for Christ before I even begin to accept the affections of another. Anyway, moral of the post, I want to stop thinking about my romance life with a man, and focus on the One who is currently enraptured with me.
I also feel that God showed me my husband's face, so throw that in...do you see my trouble? I feel like I've seen my husband, want a family pretty badly, yet don't feel ready to deal with a marriage right now.
But something one of my friends opened my eyes to is the fact that maybe that thought is supposed to be there, just hanging out in the back of my head. So, please add me to your prayer list: that I can balance between focusing on God and preparing to be the wife God would have me be-without getting distracted by my future beloved.
Make sense? I have of course been bringing it to God's throne continually, but a little extra prayer goes a long way in this Kingdom.
Okay, coming to a close...Help.
But one of the things I want is to have a family. I know that God will bring it about (according to His will, of course), and I'm not impatient, but I catch myself thinking about my future husband. Not that that's a bad thing. And I'm not obsessing or anything. I just really want to be completely sold out for Christ before I even begin to accept the affections of another. Anyway, moral of the post, I want to stop thinking about my romance life with a man, and focus on the One who is currently enraptured with me.
I also feel that God showed me my husband's face, so throw that in...do you see my trouble? I feel like I've seen my husband, want a family pretty badly, yet don't feel ready to deal with a marriage right now.
But something one of my friends opened my eyes to is the fact that maybe that thought is supposed to be there, just hanging out in the back of my head. So, please add me to your prayer list: that I can balance between focusing on God and preparing to be the wife God would have me be-without getting distracted by my future beloved.
Make sense? I have of course been bringing it to God's throne continually, but a little extra prayer goes a long way in this Kingdom.
Okay, coming to a close...Help.
15 days for 15 weeks
Can I get a "Hallelujah!" for God's awesome timing? As a campus ministry, Rossy Ross has called a fast, 15 days for the 15 weeks of Fall semester.
Now, one of the things my parents didn't like about me fasting was that I have sort of tough classes and exams. Well, during the whole 15 days, I have only a few tests, in Spanish, easily my least difficult course...Can I get another "Hallelujah!" I mean, wow, He really is completely sovereign. He cares about the intimate details of our lives much more than we do. Man I love my God. Testimony after testimony.
Anyway, we will be fasting for God to come to Florida State University in power. With signs, wonders, salvation, revelation and miraculous healings. We believe the message that God put on Ross's heart "15 days for 15 weeks" and will be praying that God not only does a clean sweep of FSU, but also leaves His Presence for generations to come.
Um, if I find out how to hyperlink Ross's blog to mine, I will, otherwise here is the website.
http://rossmiddleton.wordpress.com/2008/03/22/15-days-for-15-weeks/
Lord send Your mercy and Spirit to my campus! Amen! Amen! Amen!
Now, one of the things my parents didn't like about me fasting was that I have sort of tough classes and exams. Well, during the whole 15 days, I have only a few tests, in Spanish, easily my least difficult course...Can I get another "Hallelujah!" I mean, wow, He really is completely sovereign. He cares about the intimate details of our lives much more than we do. Man I love my God. Testimony after testimony.
Anyway, we will be fasting for God to come to Florida State University in power. With signs, wonders, salvation, revelation and miraculous healings. We believe the message that God put on Ross's heart "15 days for 15 weeks" and will be praying that God not only does a clean sweep of FSU, but also leaves His Presence for generations to come.
Um, if I find out how to hyperlink Ross's blog to mine, I will, otherwise here is the website.
http://rossmiddleton.wordpress.com/2008/03/22/15-days-for-15-weeks/
Lord send Your mercy and Spirit to my campus! Amen! Amen! Amen!
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