Back in business!

In the shower this morning, and God asks, "Are you ready for another vision?"

Surprised, I said 'Yes.'

This, then, is what I saw and heard:

I am standing in a palace, the doors have been opened, and I am looking out of them.
There is a long, wide field of knee-high green grass, swaying in the breeze. It was so very peaceful.
Slicing it's way through the grass is a white horse and its rider, male.
He comes to me, and hands me a scroll. It is a message. I open it, while he stands and waits.
The message reads: Your people are at war. They are surrounded on all of their borders and the enemy is attacking them at will.
The rider turns his horse around and begins to race away.
I yell after him, 'Where are you going?"
Looking behind him as he rides away, he replies, "To where but war?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------

What I got from that:

• That's why I read Esther this morning!
• It is okay to enjoy peacefulness, but not while there is fighting to be done. How can I rest in peaceful country while my people are at war.
• Every soldier is needed, which is why the rider did not wait for me to make a decision. He was rushing off to join the glorious fight.
• Am I fighting today? Or am I taking my solace at the expense of someone who does not know the Christ, and is losing the fight?

I will fight. I will join the battle. For the Prince of Peace is always with me. My rest is portable.

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." -Hebrews 10:39

Refreshed!

I have been refreshed!

During the trip to Boston, I spent more time in my word than I have since. Not a good thing. So, of course, I've been tired. Felt like I was running on E a few times, in sleep, time and emotions.

But, at the ENCM Prayer Meeting from 5:30-6:30, I just focused on who God was, and trying to speak those words out loud (in one language or another).

Actually, I think my refreshing came before then. It was just Brandon and I, Johnny was usually there first, but this time it was the two of us. And it was all God's doing. We got into the room and Brandon asked me how the trip to Boston went. Well, that lead me to say it had been great, which it was. Then he asked me why I had considered moving to Boston, and I told him I hadn't. In my explaining, I told him the story and recounted what I had been going through about the Fishers deuce-ing out. He's such a great listener. I think I may have taken advantage of that, talking longer than my turn should have allowed.

Then he told me about what had been going on with him. As he did, I realized that he had matured while I wasn't looking. That Brandon had grown so much, in a short time, and maybe in ways he hadn't even realized yet. But, he's an awesome kid, and I'm glad God let us know each other.

Having someone to sit and talk with, with no distractions, no danger of interruption, even no action you would rather be performing was beautiful. As we talked, I remember thinking how great it was to just sit and talk with my brother, with no ulterior motives from either of us, to hear and be heard. I love the brotherhood of believers, and I thank all of those who submit and serve it.

Then, we had a great prayer meeting. I pushed for some simplifying, and compromised when Johnny pushed to have some things on the board. He was the spiritual authority at the time, he kind of runs the prayer meetings in lieu of Donny, so I practiced obedience. But, it was great. At the core, from beginning to end, there was me, Brandon, Melanie, Johnny, Laura. Others, Conrad, Dave, Rajat, Amber, Elizabeth, Derek all came and went at different times.

Johnny had all of us take a few minutes (5 he said, but it only felt like 2 at most) and get into God's presence. That was great. I want to practice that more. Of just saying what He is, Him giving me pictures and ideas and words to help me understand that part of Him, and then leaning into Him more and more from there.

Afterward, Dena and I had accountability and she had had a vision for me. It was a flower on a hill, with nothing else around it, almost cartoonish. And there was a bucket watering the flower. She thought it was for her, but the words I told her God said to me confirmed that it was for me, instead. Thanks, Lord.

Anyway, back to the vision. Flower alone on a hill, water bucket watering it. These were the words that were either said of somehow conveyed: I planted you. You're beautiful. I will water you. I will make sure you grow. Don't be scared.

At the end of the prayer meeting, Brandon said that we should all take a minute and see what God had to say to each of us. Here's what I got, and what I told Dena I had heard God say:

Steady.
Sacred.
Safe.

That, I should 'Hold Steady.'
That what we (God and I) had, was sacred.
That I was safe.

What a great evening.

ENCM had more attendees than I expected by a long shot. People filled out their waivers for Campus Harvest. I am able to have great conversations without any feelings or awkwardness with one of my brothers. I'm finally enjoying this stage of life. I have only a little time left. I love this place. And I will miss it dearly.

*Finally, a real blog. Sorry it took me so long.

Desperate

I am desperate, desperate, for more of You
and I can't wait another day to see You move
how my heart is hungry for the chance
to sit at Your feet and feel Your presence
feel Your presence in the deepest part of me.

Sometimes, sometimes I feel so desperate for a touch from my Lord that I am near tears.
Sometimes, just the thought of Him is enough for my heart to beat irregularly.
Sometimes, I feel a great wave of emotion for no other reason than His existence.
Sometimes, I feel like letting go, but don't know how, and don;t know if I'll regret it later.

Today, is one of those sometimes.
I feel like almost anything could bring me to tears right now.
I don't know how much my 'strong ' facade can take.
I'm not sure if I'll lose it today.

God, I am desperate for You. I am desperate for You to do something in my life. I am desperate for you to take over, because I can't lead this life on my own. Dad, I need you. During worship Sunday, you stood before me and I sang a song something like this to You Lord: "I remember, when you were with me. And then You left me, no, I left You. But I feel You now, please come back to me. I feel Your Presence-I need You. I need You. I need You. I need You." That still holds true for me, Father, even now. You are my hope. I like the song: In You we live, Lord, In You we move. In You we breathe, and have our being." How true, God. How true that all we are is because of You. That this chance at life is because of the sacrifice of your Son's.
Hear our prayer
Spirit come.
How I long
for Your sweet touch.
Amen.

This Morning

So, today I was woken up at 7:48am.
There was no alarm, no loud sound. No groggy feeling and desire to return to sleep.
Just a stillness that I knew meant my God wanted to speak with me.
He told me some stuff like, turn to channel 12. The day show was on, I think.
(I think that was just a test of my obedience.)
Anyway, God showed me something like this:
A father, holding his daughter is what looks to be the softest, fluffiest pink blanket ever. And he offers her to a man standing in front of him, with a sorrow so clear in your eyes, you feel it in your own heart. I still feel it. And God seemed to say something like this, : "Such it is when a man gives his daughter away to marriage."
Another vision was the same father, but this time the daughter was a toddler. He was walking her down the aisle.
And God said this, : "Such is it for any man who gives his daughter's hand in marriage."

Understanding? No matter what the age, a father always feels as though he is giving his baby (literally), baby girl to someone else. It is the strength of the father, to give his daughter into another man's protection, to trust another human with his daughter's life, but it is also his sorrow.

Then, God danced with me. La Rumba and the Hustle. While spinning and stepping, I spoke to God my recent worries and prayers. Ending our dance with me hugging his waist, admitting that I wanted to be nothing but His.

I lay on the floor, prostrate in prayer.
I'll try to explain what I saw.
Imagine this: A man walks up, his face is a blur, he has on a tan hat. He walks a few steps, and stops as he reaches a tree with small, round red berries all over it. His hand, only a blur, the fingers are not readily distinguishable, lifts up, and removes a berry from it's own pair of leaves. An older man, the father, watches from the tree, hidden mostly by the other leaves and branches. At this moment, the feeling he has is mostly bitter, the sweet has yet to come.

God whispers this to me, "Like a man picking the choicest berry from a tree, is a daughter plucked from the hands of her father."

Understanding? Parents spend their lives, the better part at least, nurturing us, and attempting to prune all the bad things from us. Time, effort, love and care are poured into us. Yet, a man can come, and, in the blink of an eye, remove us from his (the father's) reach of care and protection.
We (the daughters) now fit in the palm of this new hand. The hand of our husband, trusting that he will never throw us to the ground unwanted, or crush out of us the little juice we can muster with his heel. And our father watches, hoping the same. Though the tree provides everything the berry needs during its time attached to it, once it falls, or is removed, from the tree, the only thing it takes with it, is hope.

Yikes!
Anybody out there have questions, comments, concerns?
Any wise interpretations?
I'm all ears!

Morning Glory Pt. 3

Don’t let them wander to the wayside,
Pick them up when they fall down.
For every soul is precious,
Every one has been purchased a crown.

And remember, the world hates you,
I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.
Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.
And respond as your Savior would.”

I sensed the time was coming,
When I would have to walk ahead.
I knew others were following me
And I must shepherd in my Shepherd’s stead.

Jesus put His arms around me.
He hugged me tight and sure.
“Keep the lamp of your body bright.
Make sure your eyes are pure.

Do not make war with flesh, dear child,
For against flesh you do not fight.
But bind the evil one’s plans
Defeat him with the light.”

I bid farewell, and ran ahead
Running faster than I knew,
I tripped and stumbled, but was caught
In the strong arms of you know Who.

Jesus has all power and might
all strength and authority
But he desires only one thing
To love and be loved by thee.


-Sorry it took me so long (Joel). Hope you all liked it.

Morning Glory, Pt. 2

“It’s okay Jesus. Please, don’t cry.”
Oh, my heart aches.
That I have caused such tears to fall
By making such foolish (so many/the same) mistakes.

“I can help, Lord. I will tell them.
I’ll them of You, that Your love never fails.
That there’s none like you in all the heavens
And that your power and Kingdom always prevails.

I’ll make sure they know, Lord.
I’ll, I’ll do whatever you say.
Just please, please don’t cry Jesus,
I can’t bear to see You hurt this way.”

I'm stumbling and sputtering,
Tears falling from my own eyes.
He’s using His robe to dry them
And He’s shoosh-ing my cries.

“Oh, what can I do to comfort You?
How can I ease your pain?”
“Go, child, to the ends of the earth,
Loving them in My Name.

And when you’re stopped and taunted,
When they try to fill you with shame,
Continue to preach, even in your pain
And never, never cease to proclaim:

‘Jesus reigns. He’s exalted on high.
And when he ascended into the sky
He went to prepare, a place for you and I
And He loves you child, He loves you, YOU were the reason He died.”

Then Jesus shook His head
Said, “Let’s keep going down this road.
Soon many more will join us,
Many souls we will behold.”

Grabbing me by the shoulders,
He looks me in the face,
“EVERY, SINGLE souls matters,
I desire all my beloved to finish this race.

Morning Glory

Okay, this one I wrote last August. This is only a third of the poem, but it's pretty long so I will do 3 separate posts for it. I hope you like it. May it bring you smiles and a renewed passion for your first Love.

Part 1

I thank you that when I reach up to Heaven
You bring Heaven down to me.
That in You I've found my desire
My bless-ed reason to be.

Jesus came with my cross, says,
“I've been carrying it for a while.
But I knew you’d ask for it back.”
And He returns it with a smile.

Of the million others on His back
None seem to break His stride.
“It’s not the weight that bothers me,
It’s the sins they try to hide.”

We walk ahead in silence,
I'm lost in my own things.
Even as we trudge I can’t help,
But sneak loving glances at my King.

He rewards my glimpses,
Adores the way I peek,
So He pulls me close to Him,
Plants a kiss on my cheek.

I’m glowing under His love
And though my burden is weighing down
My Christ is next to me
And ahead, is my crown.

Jesus studies me slowly
Inquires of His bride,
“You know Satan’s after you?”
Grips me closer to His side.

A shiver goes down my spine,
As I think of the one despised
“He can’t harm you when we’re this close,
But he’s always heavily disguised.”

I know these words are precious.
I focus, and try not to blink.
And it seems I see tears of heartache
Flowing down my Savior’s cheek.

Right Hand man...

So, while on only day one of fasting, I was at work and God gave me a somewhat entertaining analogy. So, I'm sitting down, putting pipet tips in holders before autoclaving them (sorry, lab nerd jargon) and I have been slowly trying to make my left hand more dexterous. Anyway, I am fumbling, trying to get these little plastic pieces into holes with my left hand, thinking "I just gotta figure out how to get my left hand to do what I want it to do" and God told me this:
Sometimes, this is how I feel with my children.

*WHOA* Crazy thought right?

Here's what I got from that. Some of us, are like God's right hand, we always do what He wants, and we do it efficiently and smooth. But others, we are like His left hand. Which He uses, but is still trying you to get to do exactly what He wants done. Are we the left hand that just get the job done but a little sloppily? Do we skip a tedious task just to finish quicker? Are we short-handing God? Are we the hand that He can't always depend on, because sometimes we just don't get it?

Well, I am. At least, I was. I am now striving much harder to do the will of my God immediately and proficiently. I take Ezekiel 12:6 as my own : So I did as I was commanded. What a simple, yet ridiculously challenging verse.

I challenge you saints today- Do as you are commanded. Be God's right hand man (or woman). Stay in His will and love like no one's business.

I love you all.

In Christ,

lexi

Dream? Not so much...

So, had a couple crazy dreams last night, only one of which seems even remotely spiritual, and that is the one I will write here.
Scene:

So, I am in my apartment, alone. It is dark and just overall gloomy outside, maybe even storming. Anyway, there is this man, dressed in dark colors, standing outside of my sliding glass doors. I know that he is a stalker. And not a 'let's have babies together stalker'. But a, ' if I ever get my hands on you I am going to kill you slowly' stalker. So moving on, this guy is standing outside of my back door and he is completely scaring me. And, I don't know if he says it or what, but he tells me something like, "If you think I'm scary, wait until you meet my brother."

I go in my bedroom and close my door, as if that will keep him out.

So, next day (or whatever) I have notified the proper authorities that there is a man who knows where I live that is stalking me. They send someone and there is a lady security person outside of my front door with a podium. The original stalker guy comes to my front door and the security lady tells him that he has been identified as a stalker and cannot get into my house. At this point, I know he is outside and I am hiding behind my couch. (There are 2 couches parallel to each other.) After a few minutes, he charms her and she lets him in, and they sit on the couch and start to chat. I am pushing myself so far into the couch that I have almost become the couch. So, I move to behind the other couch in my apartment, incredulous that the lady let this psycho in my house. But there was no way I was allowing him to know that I was home.

At this point, I wake up and am told to say out loud, "I rebuke the spirit of fear." But I don't. Instead, I go back to sleep. I do not have the dream again.

End.

So, a few things that I picked up on:
I am scared of something.
I am helpless in the dream.
I employ the help of unreliable, unprotective security.
Jesus told me to do something, and I did not.

If anyone can give me any more insight into the message that was my dream, it is greatly appreciated.
Love you all.

lexi

Wow...My Savior. My Savior. He's amazing.

While showering, I had to be honest with myself. All the scrubbing in the world could not wash away the dirt and shame that I felt. No amount of soap, or designer shampoo would get rid of the feeling of darkness over me. I could soak in rubbing alcohol and dry off with a Brillo pad, and it would be to no avail. Only the precious, perfect, powerful blood of the perfect Lamb, Jesus Christ, can remove my dirty sins.

You know, sometimes it's hard for me to get over my stereotypes.
I have 2 examples, one, of the mindset that Mexican are dirty people. I heard it so much in America, that, before I could go on my mission trip, God had to deal with me. I had to practice saying the word 'Mexican'. I had to intentionally change my view. It was hard, and even now I have to stop and check what I'm saying or thinking about any group-because it's never true of a majority.
The other example would be prayer. I have always been under the influence that prayer MUST be solemn, and very serious. As a Christian acknowledging Jesus as Lord, and not just Savior, it's a pretty daunting thing to tackle. I, even now, consciously tell myself that Prayer=talking to God. If I don't, I find myself putting off prayer because I am not somewhere quiet, completely shut of from the world. I am in no wise saying that prayer can not be done in those settings, but it's not mandatory. There won't always be times where we can go off and just pray. There will be times where we will be forced to pray where we stand. If you hear nothing else, hear this: Prayer is talking to your best, most intimate, favorite Friend ever, who just happens to hold your life and soul in His hands. Yes, prayer will be solemn. But prayer is communication in the most important relationship of your earthly existence. Talk to God. Prayer is just talking to God, you can even smile. Enjoy talking to God, He does.

Sorry that was such a chunk. What I really came to write this blog about was a tangent of surrender. While having a revelation overload, I saw a picture of myself, if you will. And I was saying this to Jesus, :
Lord, I want to be completely under your control. I sacrifice myself right now, at the altar. I want you to guide me. Lord, I want to say, "I've picked up my cross Lord. Where to? I want to be so full of you that everyone I meet will forget my name and remember Yours. That they will not remember what I said, but know that You spoke to them. That they would be drawn to You. That they will know that You exist, and You love them."

I don't know guys, I am just so full of God right now.

Another thing, it says somewhere in 1 Peter, that we should always be ready to given an account for the joy that we have, but to do it with gentleness and respect. And I was just practicing what I would say on God (Excellent audience if I may say so), and it went something like this.
That someone, like the early church, would grab me, and ask me what was different about me. And I would respond in a likewise manner, "I am at a place in my life where I have someone who cares for me. He makes sure that I have something to eat, somewhere to go, someone to talk to. He insures that I am never alone. He always does what is best for me. He completely rules my life, and yet He is not controlling. He advises me in all things, but forces me to do nothing. I have no problem serving Him, no qualms with doing as He wishes, because He has never thought twice about sacrificing everything for me. He gave up all of His comfort to be with me. He was beaten, made fun of, spit on, and killed for me, but he never opened His mouth to defend Himself. He endured ridicule and hatred, just so He could have a relationship with me." At this point I would probably be shaking my head, then I would add, "And He wants the same peace of mind, and relationship with you, as I have with Him. Jesus Christ, Son of God, aches for your heart to beat for Him. He desires to lavish His love on you, as He does on all those who acknowledge Him. Would you like to know how to obtain that love?"

Lengthy, I know, but I am hard-pressed to describe my King in less words. Family, I love you all. Operate in your gifts-God knows what He's doing. Trust Him-even when you don't have to. That's it for this princess.
G'Night.

What's up withchu?

Yo yo yo!
I have lots to tell all of you. So, I'm going to do a very brief synopsis of it all.

Prayer: My prayer life has not been my shining glory lately. It's been pretty good, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I didn't pray for some things that God definitely could have used to build my testimony and show me his great power. My devotional time has been a hard fight, and I have yet to back down-nor will I ever.

Visions and such: So, some of you may know that I have seen angels before. And of those few, few others know that I continue to see one angel in particular. Well, I've seen him again, and this time I think I know his name.
Also, had a dream last night, a really, really scary dream. The gist of it was: There were demons trying to kill my soul, and get me to let this use my body to do their dirty work. It wasn't until after I thought about it this morning when I woke up that I realized it. So, guess who's now really on guard. Thank God for His merciful updates.

Schoolin': I worked ~ 25 hours a week at Krispy Kreme while taking 2 classes and moving...twice. Anywho, I was taking a First Aid class, and Trigonometry. I worked hard in my classes and at my job. God rewarded me with TWO A's! (Oh, I can't seem to locate my First Aid certification card, please pray that I find it.)
And in the coming Fall: I will be taking a 3rd Spanish course, Organic Chemistry, Genetics, a class for my child sciences minor, and, again, Biology II Lab-Animal Diversity. Please pray for me brothers and sisters, that I can be excellent in everything for our King.

Recap: Well, that was pretty much it. I can't wait to see all of you again. I'll be coming down the 20th or 21st, so can I get some ground control for safe traveling please?

I am so much better at asking for prayer nowadays. Praise God people!

Psalm 40.

love you all.

lex

Yes yes yes!

Guess who received some awesome prophecies tonight? Yep, the whole LG gang! We invited some strong women, April and Amy to help us prophecy over our members, and man were we on a roll. I had never conducted a prophecy night before, but I love how the Holy Spirit was with us for over 3 hours and we merely had to ask. I heard some great words about humility, my future in ministering to women, and all kinds of crazy stuff. Praise God! I am super excited! I love Him! Do you? Thank you to Amy Middleton for coming and sharing her faith with us. Thank you to Ross Middleton for sharing his wife with us. And thank you to the Middleton boys, for donating their mother for a few hours. Thank you April Lupo for letting God use you! I love you all!

later family!

I LOVE MY LORD!!!

I read Ezekiel 12 because I asked God for a verse to meditate on and that is what He gave me. I read a verse that said "I did as I was commanded." And right before that I read Joel's post about using our voices when told to.

God spoke to me, but all I can remember Him saying is this: "Child, don't panic. I am with you. I want you to dream a dream. Of things to come. You will be a sign."

So:

I lay back and try to clear my mind. I see a mental image of what I just read in Ezekiel, then my mind wanders to Rush Hour 3, and I try to clear it. As I try to push those images out of my mind, I see two men, clothed in white, and standing tall picking up and throwing/shoving things to the side, clearing my mind for me, until it is just them in a straight white path ahead of me and they stand together and speak as one voice "Son of Man, your city will be shaken, your city will be rocked, and the Lord God will show Himself with signs and wonders. The promptings of the Spirit will be heavy upon you, and you will do as you are commanded. You will speak when told to speak, and be silent when told to keep silent. As you have made a covenant to the Lord, you are now called to fulfill it. This day, we call heaven and earth as witnesses against you. Do not break the covenant with the Lord your God."

Then they raised their hands towards me, and said, "Be careful to do as you are commanded. God be with you."

Wow, that is a heavy promise. As they were speaking about heaven and earth I was scared. What a great witness against me. I know this was a word from God, so please, if I post this, pray for me and give any feedback you can. I love MY GOD! Hallelujah. He reigns!

Maybe you've heard this one before

So, after reading Joel's post, I was like: God, can I have a vision?

He answered, "Sure" and began to speak to me. I bowed my head down and listened.

* " "= God speaking* *anything else=me*

"There is a small tree by a stream. It had been planted for a while, but had not grown because no one was there to water it. One day, a small cloud came along, and watered the little tree. The tree began to grow. The cloud came back every day, and the little tree kept growing. One day, when the tree was about the size of a man, the cloud did not come. The tree waited another day, and yet the cloud did not come. Thirsty and growing weak, the tree pushed, strained, and grew one of its roots until it reached water. The tree received water from that root, and was satisfied. But only after 2 days, the tree was no longer satisfied with just receiving water from one root,, so it stretched another root in the same direction as the first, and was satisfied with two. But after a few days, 2 roots were still not enough. So the tree reached ALL of it's roots to the same place the first 2 roots had gone. Finding that all of it's roots were able to reach water, the tree realized that a flowing river that seemed to have no end was next to it all the time. And the tree could drink it's fill, never going without, continually able to satisfy it's ever-increasing thirst."

"Do you now what this means?"

Um, kind of. The tree is me, the cloud is Jesus, wait, the stream is...

"The tree is the young believer. The cloud are the spiritual nursers, as with a small child, an infant yet to be weaned. The stream is My Son, Jesus."

And the stream was there the whole time, able to be reached, if only we could realized it. Huh. God, can I just have a vision a day.

"Sure. You just need to listen."

Day Nine, Feelin' Fine

I gotta tell you guys the vision God showed me as I began to pray around 4pm today. I was talking to God about my mission trip this summer, how NOTHING could ever make me doubt my security in Christ, absolutely nothing(I know it’s a strong statement). And to give me more of Him, more gifts, to stop limiting my faith, and this is what He showed me.

*Quotations=God. No quotes=me. Parentheses=what I saw*

“Alexia, you’re in a car on a highway. You’re speeding, but just above the speed limit. Those around you are going 200, 250 (mph) and you’re just over 100. What’s wrong with that?”

(I see my car, going about normal speed, but there are cars going around me, so fast I can barely see their color, just more than a blur.)

They’re going faster than me.

“Why?”

Because their Word is their fuel. The more they read it, the more goes into their gas tank, the faster they are able to go for longer amounts of time.

“Exactly. So what do you need to do?”

Read my Word more, so I can get more fuel, so I can go faster.

“Right. So you can all be going the same speed. “

(I see a line of cars, straight across, racing rapidly ahead, all lined up perfectly with each other)

“Then, My daughter, you can all stand and fight together against Satan for me, all able to fill each others tanks because you’re so close, all able to notice when another is slowing down, always able to keep your tanks full, because you’re pushing each other on. In a family like this, child, none will be left behind. Write it down.”

Yes, Sir.