*frustrated scream* ahhhhhh!!!
Geez, man, today was a roller coaster, and I'm usually not an emotional person. I am just so ughhh right now. I mean, okay, I'll lay it out as best I can. Here we go:
Okay, so the canceled 'dinner shindig' didn't go over too well. To be honest, I think he acted like a whiny 4-year-old child. And he kept texting me. So I stopped answering them. I don't know, I just felt frustrated and pressured. So, that was upsetting. It was a bad situation from the get-go: he's not a believer, older than me and as far as I know, NOT living the life of a man God would choose for me. I feel so stupid. So, yeah, I was just off today.
And then, after all of this being irritated, I was doing homework and minding my own, until something I have never felt before, and what I can only describe as 'desire' came over me. And I wanted my husband so bad. I wanted him to be the man God called him to be. And I wanted him to be very unlike what I experienced today. But I know what business my Father is in, the soul business, so I threw on some worship music, fast, and began to praise him and turn over that desire. I mean, it was so strong, it almost made me sick. It was overwhelming, I have NEVER felt anything as strong or as intimidating. It was a little scary, it came fast and violent and all I could do was cry out to God for help. I don't think I can write in written words what it felt like. I know I keep going on about it, but man, it was too much for me to handle on my own. So I placed it at the feet of Jesus and worshiped until I couldn't breathe. I love my Lord so much. I thank Him for being the perfect lover of my soul, perfect husband, perfect friend.
So then I went to Rez Week and praised my heart out with some family in the faith. Even then I had a slightly difficult time not thinking about that feeling. I kept seeing the face of the one God has for me, and it was a B-A-T-T-L-E to act out 2 Corinthians 10:5. I mean, I had to pray every few moments, and I was quoting that scripture like mad. Praise God for His holy Word. Hallelujah in the highest for having every situation addressed.
Okay, so, this post has the mushy stuff Liz accused me of posting, but this is the first one!
Oh, one more thing:
Husband, if you're reading this, know that I am even more dedicated to waiting for you. Know that I pray for you. Know that I will try harder not to give away even a hint of affection that belongs to you.
Done. sorry if that was TMI.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
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3 comments:
Thanks for making me look like a heartless person who hates mushiness!!! Anyway, good post! I'm really sorry that he was acting like a "whiny 4-year old"... but boys can be like that. I really had a bad feeling about that dinner, but didn't know how to tell you with out sounding rude, so I am glad you realized it wasn't a good idea! I was just giving you a hard time about being mushy, but then you went a posted a mushy blog.... Girls these days! Why do we constantly think of our future husbands?!....Hmmm, maybe that could be a topic for my next post?! If it is, you can make fun of me for being mushy!!!
I don't know if you asked for a response for this post or the last one. But, in response to your question, yes guys think about their wife to be. In fact, I just talked to a guy today that doing it the Godly way (he doesn't have the lordship) but wants a Godly wife. But yeah got a little off topic. It seems to me like it's a bigger issue with guys I meet in the church (course that's not always true). That's definitely something that I have to keep under control, like you said 2 Cor 10:5!
Sorry I just realized it was Liz that asked that...I read a couple posts at once...Lo Siento
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