An Experiment, of sorts

Reading lyrics to songs makes me want to write. Write like I used to. When I would put my feelings to words, and the words would put feeling to themselves. There was a time when I was aware of what emotions I was feeling. A time when it was at least tempered if not filtered. And that time saw endless ups and downs, but at least they were marked clearly. And some of it embarrassed me, and some I won't permit you to see...but it was me. It was raw and unchanged. And it gave me a sense to make sense of this rage and now I can't find it, it's difficult to see because it's been so long that I long to be me. And what of this confusion? Confused I can't be. But the record keeps playing, what used to be me. And the sound of the lyrics is haunting my dreams and I can't keep the writing from coming in screams. There's no need to appease this beast that's in me, but it's me that I long for and me I can't see. Now the writing is coming and it's taunting in jest, but i like that it's flowing-I don't need any rest. Cause the moment is here now, and release is in sight, cause there's no other way to be fighting this fight and if you try to stop me, I'll bulldoze you down, cause the lost isn't lost now and I have been found.

Now on to the next verse, and on to the ground, there's no turning back...there's no slowing down. The only way is through, cause I've been around, and it always ends up that I'm not up, but down. And the fact that it's round, and the clown isn't brown, and now what I'm writing to you seems unsound. But it's real, can't you see it? The words are alive. And just try, can't you breathe it? It leaves in a sigh. Such a marvelous feeling, the escape of the kept, no longer hiding, no longer swept- By the winds and the rains and the fairytale songs. But out it keeps drawing and it's drawing you along. But it's okay to feel it. It's fine to be lost. Nope, there's no way to kill it, for you've counted the cost. And to stop now, oh now, would be a mistake. You signed on the line and accepted the stakes. So keep on to the third, I promise a prize. But you'll never find it if you look with your eyes...

Alas, to the third verse. And what, you discover? There's no need to brood. There's no need to hover. You're closer than ever, just reach our your arm. That's it, you feel it. No call for alarm. The freedom. You taste it? It's ever so true. It belongs to me... I belong to you. So, come, let us share it, there's more than enough. This freedom is tested. This freedom is tough. But it comes with a price that is higher than most, and I don't mean to boast, but here comes a toast: I've done it, my love. I've found it again. The joy that overcomes when I'm strapped with a pen. And the, feeling's momentous, I don't want to let go. But I know there are others who're part of this show. But, the last words, I'll end on, boy they'll be a treat. I only wish, this was put, to a beat...


To the one who is true, and the one whom I love, this toast is for you, from your only dove.

These are my Confessions...

I wrote this yesterday, while thinking about my current situation and what I needed to do to reconcile myself back to my Dad. Sorry if you don't understand all of it. I already read it to God, so He's okay with me sharing it. Haha.

Here goes:

Lord, I'm sorry that I need you
yet give you none of me.
I apologize for ignoring you
though you are who set me free.
And I wish I did not need you, Lord.
Believe me, this is true.
Because then I wouldn't harm you, Lord.
My sins would not be grieving you.
I confess my sins to you, O God
and lay it down before your feet.
I am ashamed to say, today, O God
that many of them repeat.
For the lusting thoughts, O God
for the joking of the ring
I turned my heart to a new man.
I turned away from you, my King.
I get so caught up in the thoughts
of dreaming of what is ahead
that I don't choose the narrow path,
bring a stranger to my Lover's bed.
And I have visions of you, God,
things I can dwell on in truth.
Like learning not to run away
from the Husband of my youth.
Do not let these sins remain.
Do not allow me to contain
gifts that power give domain
and from bragging, I don't refrain.
Deal with me as you see fit.
Your kingdom, I'm a part of it
But, in judgement, remember this...
Turn the page. I'm on the list.

Any comments?

Today

This morning, my God woke me up, as He does every morning.

But this time, I think it was to spend some time with me. To give me a little extra for today.

And now, I realize why. Instead of focusing on my love for my Lord, I had wandering eyes, and my steadfast heart wavered a little.

Even though I've memorized Proverbs 4:23 "But above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.", I did poorly in my application of it.

I thank God that my 'crush' was shared with a godly man. Someone who did not take advantage of it. After consulting with others, and praying about it he's decided to not pursue anything, and I agree.

But it does hurt a little. Should it? I don't think so. I let my guard down. Opened myself up to dwell on things I was not, am not, ready for.

So, today, I hope it's okay, to cry a little cry for you.
And, today, I hope it's okay, to shed a few tears for us too.
For tomorrow, it's easy to say, that God's will is where I'll go,
But, please, today, I hope it's okay, to let me feel this sorrow.

Well, today, it may be okay, to look forward and move ahead.
But, tonight, when I'm away from light, and snuggled in my bed,
And, this eve, as I float between, sheet and comforter warm,
that tonight, it will be alright, and I will be unharmed by this storm.

You know, today, I don't feel okay, my shaky hands are a sign,
That, last night, I took it not slight, that you just might be mine.
And, so soon, this afternoon, reality came cold and wet,
that, tonight, I hope it's alright, if I shed a few tears in your stead.

So, today, I hope it's okay, to cry a little cry for you.
And, today, I hope it's okay, to shed a few tears for us too.
For tomorrow, it's easy to say, that God's will is where I'll go,
But, please, today, I hope it's okay, to let me feel this sorrow.

*I'll miss you* (^_^)

I sang this song to my God!

From Isaiah 12 (mostly)

With joy! I draw water from the wells of salvation!
With joy! I draw water from the wells of salvation! (2 times)

With joy! With joy! With joy (held a little longer)! (maybe not here)

My God is a cistern! My God is a cistern!
My God is a cistern! My God is a cistern!
My God, is a cistern! My God, is a cistern!
My God, is a cistern! My God, is a cistern!

With joy! I draw water from the wells of salvation!
With joy! I draw water from the wells of salvation! (2 times)

With joy! With joy! With joy (held a little longer)!

Give thanks to the Lord and call on His name
Make known among the nations, all His people proclaim
That His name is exalted, He's done glorious things
Let all the people bow in respect for our King!
Let all the people bow at the throne of our King.
Everyone will bow, at the feet of our King!

For great is the Holy One of Israel among us!
For great is the Holy One of Israel among us.
For great is the Holy One of Israel among us.

With joy! With joy! With joy!

Morning Glory Pt. 3

Don’t let them wander to the wayside,
Pick them up when they fall down.
For every soul is precious,
Every one has been purchased a crown.

And remember, the world hates you,
I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.
Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.
And respond as your Savior would.”

I sensed the time was coming,
When I would have to walk ahead.
I knew others were following me
And I must shepherd in my Shepherd’s stead.

Jesus put His arms around me.
He hugged me tight and sure.
“Keep the lamp of your body bright.
Make sure your eyes are pure.

Do not make war with flesh, dear child,
For against flesh you do not fight.
But bind the evil one’s plans
Defeat him with the light.”

I bid farewell, and ran ahead
Running faster than I knew,
I tripped and stumbled, but was caught
In the strong arms of you know Who.

Jesus has all power and might
all strength and authority
But he desires only one thing
To love and be loved by thee.


-Sorry it took me so long (Joel). Hope you all liked it.

Morning Glory, Pt. 2

“It’s okay Jesus. Please, don’t cry.”
Oh, my heart aches.
That I have caused such tears to fall
By making such foolish (so many/the same) mistakes.

“I can help, Lord. I will tell them.
I’ll them of You, that Your love never fails.
That there’s none like you in all the heavens
And that your power and Kingdom always prevails.

I’ll make sure they know, Lord.
I’ll, I’ll do whatever you say.
Just please, please don’t cry Jesus,
I can’t bear to see You hurt this way.”

I'm stumbling and sputtering,
Tears falling from my own eyes.
He’s using His robe to dry them
And He’s shoosh-ing my cries.

“Oh, what can I do to comfort You?
How can I ease your pain?”
“Go, child, to the ends of the earth,
Loving them in My Name.

And when you’re stopped and taunted,
When they try to fill you with shame,
Continue to preach, even in your pain
And never, never cease to proclaim:

‘Jesus reigns. He’s exalted on high.
And when he ascended into the sky
He went to prepare, a place for you and I
And He loves you child, He loves you, YOU were the reason He died.”

Then Jesus shook His head
Said, “Let’s keep going down this road.
Soon many more will join us,
Many souls we will behold.”

Grabbing me by the shoulders,
He looks me in the face,
“EVERY, SINGLE souls matters,
I desire all my beloved to finish this race.

Morning Glory

Okay, this one I wrote last August. This is only a third of the poem, but it's pretty long so I will do 3 separate posts for it. I hope you like it. May it bring you smiles and a renewed passion for your first Love.

Part 1

I thank you that when I reach up to Heaven
You bring Heaven down to me.
That in You I've found my desire
My bless-ed reason to be.

Jesus came with my cross, says,
“I've been carrying it for a while.
But I knew you’d ask for it back.”
And He returns it with a smile.

Of the million others on His back
None seem to break His stride.
“It’s not the weight that bothers me,
It’s the sins they try to hide.”

We walk ahead in silence,
I'm lost in my own things.
Even as we trudge I can’t help,
But sneak loving glances at my King.

He rewards my glimpses,
Adores the way I peek,
So He pulls me close to Him,
Plants a kiss on my cheek.

I’m glowing under His love
And though my burden is weighing down
My Christ is next to me
And ahead, is my crown.

Jesus studies me slowly
Inquires of His bride,
“You know Satan’s after you?”
Grips me closer to His side.

A shiver goes down my spine,
As I think of the one despised
“He can’t harm you when we’re this close,
But he’s always heavily disguised.”

I know these words are precious.
I focus, and try not to blink.
And it seems I see tears of heartache
Flowing down my Savior’s cheek.

Connection- C.H.

So, this is a poem I wrote this past summer. It was in response to something someone said to me and a conversation that he and I had. I came across it again and figured I should post it, enjoy.

Connection
I'm feeling a connection
I know you feel it too
But I can’t show you affection
Because of you know Who.
It’s bouncing and it’s riding
Along the words we speak
So there’s no use in hiding
The desire we both seek.
But there’s a way and ti-me
For everything we do
And there is no cri-me
In what we’re going through.
But I just cannot let
Emotions rule my world
Because of the effect
It has on this sweet girl.
So bide your time, and wisely
For temptations will be strong
But if we don’t lie idly
Then we can do no wrong.
So don’t use the connection
For things we cannot bear
If we abuse the power
The(n) ‘us’ will not be there.
I've got to let the new-ness
of meeting you assuage
cuz we’re focused on the wrong thing
in this dire day and age.
Don’t let these words alarm you
Because I love you so
But if this doesn’t stop soon…
I’ll have to let you go.

So don’t let the connection
We feel dismiss our goal
Of warning every sin-ner,
Of saving every soul.

I pray that you would feel me
And not take this to heart.
Cuz when we’re not together
It means that we’re apart