Whirlwind

Lately, I feel like everything has been changing around me. There was nothing I could do to alter what was happening. There was nothing I could do to slow any of it down.

Some of the things were: a very sick grandmother (who is still very sick, please pray God's will is done), a 12-page paper, one exam, regular classes, work, the Veritas Forum (behind the scenes and the actual event), trying not to crush on someone, responsibilities of my position in my church, changing my major, planning my summer and fall, my birthday, somewhat arguing with God, struggling to keep my quiet time, comforting a friend, keeping up with people and relationships that are too complex for me...

whew!

I just feel like there was so much going on, and nothing I could do about any of it. There were days in there where I just felt like crying and giving up. I just wanted to say, "Screw it." and let everything play out however. But I didn't. God definitely granted me peace in this whirlwind of events.

I was also on this ridiculous emotional roller coaster. I felt like crying, so many days, on so many occasions, for what seemed like no reason. I would be eating and a sorrow like no other would come on me. I would lose my appetite, tear up. I mean, I don't know where this stuff comes from. I know I have been feeling pretty helpless about my grandmother being sick. I can't be there because I am about 4 1/2 hours away, and can give no comfort but a few phone calls a day. And the only one who really knows what's going on is her, and she's too sick to give specifics.

I just, it's been so crazy for me, and I don't know how to deal with all this stuff, except to trust God. And it was hard. I was getting almost angry with God. I was frustrated, and couldn't let it show because it was no one's fault. I had all these bottled up emotions, and no one to vent them to, no way to legitimize my feelings because I had no idea where they were breaching from in the first place.

It has been such a tough last 2 weeks. While they were filled with joy, I couldn't let myself fall into it completely, because there was so much else that I was thinking on.

It has been a crazy whirlwind of emotions, events, happenings, and news the past few weeks, and I'm not sure how I handled it.

Well, I hope. What do you guys think?

So, this is fun

I have some rather superficial news:

1. I think I may have finally developed a crush on someone.

• Now how substantiated or serious this crush is is yet to be determined.
• Hm, it's just really weird. It's been over 2 years since my last relationship, and just as long since I've been interested in anyone.
• It's fun though.
  
• I don't dissolve into giggles around him, if you're wondering.
• I just enjoy his presence.
• Enjoy his smile.
• I wonder...

Well, let's just see what happens next...

I sang this song to my God!

From Isaiah 12 (mostly)

With joy! I draw water from the wells of salvation!
With joy! I draw water from the wells of salvation! (2 times)

With joy! With joy! With joy (held a little longer)! (maybe not here)

My God is a cistern! My God is a cistern!
My God is a cistern! My God is a cistern!
My God, is a cistern! My God, is a cistern!
My God, is a cistern! My God, is a cistern!

With joy! I draw water from the wells of salvation!
With joy! I draw water from the wells of salvation! (2 times)

With joy! With joy! With joy (held a little longer)!

Give thanks to the Lord and call on His name
Make known among the nations, all His people proclaim
That His name is exalted, He's done glorious things
Let all the people bow in respect for our King!
Let all the people bow at the throne of our King.
Everyone will bow, at the feet of our King!

For great is the Holy One of Israel among us!
For great is the Holy One of Israel among us.
For great is the Holy One of Israel among us.

With joy! With joy! With joy!

Examples of God not being funny

1. Someone pulling the fire alarm at my apartments. That alarm sounding for 2 hours.
   
2. Being woken up, at 4:44am by the guys above me thumping like little bunny foo-foo.
3. Finding an unknown liquid dripping from my SMOKE DETECTOR at 5:00am.
4. Attempting to see why my ceiling is leaking and being confronted with: confused looks and a what I'm sure is a pretty plastered minor.
   
5. Staying up at 5:15am, waiting for the maintenance men and security.
6. Having only slept ~4 hours tonight and 3 hours last night.
7. Actually LOOKING as if I need more sleep.
   

Oh, the joys of Christianity.

Addendum(edited at ~6:05am): Other things that are not funny.

1. The guys from upstairs telling me they had no plumbing problems, and even invited me to come in and see for myself. I declined.
   
2. At 6:00am, the maintenance man confirming that they had in fact stopped up their toilet and flooded the bathroom.

One thing that is funny:

1. The maintenance man made them soak it up with their own towels.

Goodnight and Good Riddance.

Whew!

What I was faced with today:

1. A crying grandmother
2. Anger at a family member
   
3. A missed class
4. Chalking for the first time!
5. Rain
   
6. Chalking getting rained away
7. Divine appointments
8. Encouragement
9. Challenges
10. A great lesson on faith
11. A stern talking to from God
12. An eye-opening quiet time
    

How I dealt with it:

Not that great. Some things I took in stride, others not so much. For example, I was not enthused about my conversation with God. And I remember Him saying, "I know this isn't what you want to hear."

All in all, it was an easy day. None of my family died. None of my friends had a crisis. I am healthy. My biggest concern is a simple fix for my God.

Oh, God. Teach me to be thankful. Teach me to approach each day with the attitude of Christ. Help me to be alert and open to lessons and opportunities that you allow to fall into my lap. Thank you for the divine appointments. Thank you for answering my prayer to draw nearer to me. Thank you for the ability to experience Your presence, I welcome your Spirit and a greater sensitivity to the spiritual realm. Help me to be a light to my friends and a friend to the lost. Jesus, continue to convict and change me. I am wholly yours. Do with me as you will. Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.

Amen.

A day of days

Things I have faced today:

1. A very sick Grandmother
2. A friend whose parents sleep in separate bedrooms; is on the rocks with their significant other of about 7 years
3. A non-believer who thinks god is a woman
4. A Physics test
5. Financial aid information
6. Hoops with my cell phone company
7. Work
8. Forgetting a commitment
9. A Worthy Lamb.

Here's what I did about those situations (in order):

1. Turned it over to God
2. Told them to turn it over to God
3. Invited them to the Veritas Forum
4. Prayed
5. Rejoiced
6. Dealt with it
7. Did it
8. Apologized
9. Praised.

I feel whooped. And I didn't even really DO anything. God is in control. I am a stinking peon to His greatness. Worthy is the Lamb who was slain. My God gave boundaries to the sea, told it where its proud waves were to halt. Praise God. Praise God. Praise God.

He is worthy. He is powerful. He is mighty. Praise Him, for his very Essence is love for you. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him.

I feel a relentless joy for my Creator.

Who am I that God is mindful of me.

Show me your face, dear Lord. Show me your beauty. As Moses said, "Now show me your glory."

I welcome your presence. I welcome your Spirit. Empty me God, and fill me with You.

As I lay my life... All things Casting Crowns

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart

Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...

Cry, like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door

I'm trying so hard, to stop trying so hard.
Just let You be who you are, Lord who You are in me.
Jesus I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard,
just let You be who you are, who You are in me.
-----
Somewhere between who I was, and who you're making me,
somewhere in the middle you'll find me.
Just how close can i get Lord, to my surrender,
without losing all control?

Fearless warriors in a picket fence
Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense.
Deep water faith in the shallow end.
And we are caught in the middle.
With eyes wide open to the differences.
the god we want, and the God who IS.
--------

Giver of every breath I breathe
Author of all eternity
Giver of every perfect thing
To You be the glory
Maker of Heaven and of Earth
No one can comprehend Your worth
King over all the universe
To You be the glory
----------


Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant
---------

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
--------

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you
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For You are awesome, God of the Nations,
Lion of Judah, Rock of the Ages, Alpha, Omega
You're worthy of all praise
----------



But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "Boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
----------

United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we're sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
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Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way
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Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
---------

You're the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords
You're the Master of the Universe
You're the Ruler of all Nations
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