Whirlwind

Lately, I feel like everything has been changing around me. There was nothing I could do to alter what was happening. There was nothing I could do to slow any of it down.

Some of the things were: a very sick grandmother (who is still very sick, please pray God's will is done), a 12-page paper, one exam, regular classes, work, the Veritas Forum (behind the scenes and the actual event), trying not to crush on someone, responsibilities of my position in my church, changing my major, planning my summer and fall, my birthday, somewhat arguing with God, struggling to keep my quiet time, comforting a friend, keeping up with people and relationships that are too complex for me...

whew!

I just feel like there was so much going on, and nothing I could do about any of it. There were days in there where I just felt like crying and giving up. I just wanted to say, "Screw it." and let everything play out however. But I didn't. God definitely granted me peace in this whirlwind of events.

I was also on this ridiculous emotional roller coaster. I felt like crying, so many days, on so many occasions, for what seemed like no reason. I would be eating and a sorrow like no other would come on me. I would lose my appetite, tear up. I mean, I don't know where this stuff comes from. I know I have been feeling pretty helpless about my grandmother being sick. I can't be there because I am about 4 1/2 hours away, and can give no comfort but a few phone calls a day. And the only one who really knows what's going on is her, and she's too sick to give specifics.

I just, it's been so crazy for me, and I don't know how to deal with all this stuff, except to trust God. And it was hard. I was getting almost angry with God. I was frustrated, and couldn't let it show because it was no one's fault. I had all these bottled up emotions, and no one to vent them to, no way to legitimize my feelings because I had no idea where they were breaching from in the first place.

It has been such a tough last 2 weeks. While they were filled with joy, I couldn't let myself fall into it completely, because there was so much else that I was thinking on.

It has been a crazy whirlwind of emotions, events, happenings, and news the past few weeks, and I'm not sure how I handled it.

Well, I hope. What do you guys think?