Friday, November 13, 2009

Frustration

I must have absolutely lost my mind to trust something I cannot see.

To continue to try to build with someone who is taking others away.

To expect an embrace from someone I say no to.

To feel anger towards someone who never provoked me.

I must be crazy.

To allow myself to become so attached.

That it hurts to think of the relationships changing.

That it feels like they were a failure.

As if they never happened.

And still expect that someone to look out for me.

Yeah. I have definitely lost it.

To feel anger. Such anger. Such abandonment.

And still try to hang on.

Why go deeper?

Why make memories?

Why care?

When it'll all be waste a year from now?

Well, obviously, I don't believe that.

That's why I trust. And build. And respond. And allow the anger to dissipate.

Because I believe in the one I can't see.

And I still know that he knows the best for me.

But shoot. His timing so sucks.

1 comment:

bella chung said...

thanks for posting what is on everyone's mind. yes, a campus minister's mind at that too.. lol. you're real and that's what i like about you. as for the frustration. so there is life :) you're strong lexi. keep it up. keep loving and reaching. God certainly loves you for it!