Word up?
I am converting. Why not?
Here is my new home:
http://bostonfound.wordpress.com
Again, that is
http://bostonfound.wordpress.com
Hope to see you there!
lexi
Monday, December 13, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Grace.
So, you know how I am helping launch a church to bring the truth, grace and changing power of the Gospel for the glory of God and the good of all people?
Well, today, I got just a bit of that grace extended to me. Was it the grace of God? Yes. Every day I am granted much more than I know what to do with. But I am not always aware, and because of that, rarely intentionally act on what God grants me.
But today, today's grace came from my employers. We'll call them the Color Family. C.F. for short.
So, last week I was twenty minutes late to work. *sucks teeth* And I can't stand being late. If there was anything I could do, I would rearrange all public transportation so that getting everywhere by full and half hour increments was the ultimate goal. Anyway, getting back on track...
I keep a journal between the Color parents and myself in order to update them on things they made need or need to know, and it stays at their home. So, last week, when I was ridiculously late, I wrote how profusely apologetic I was and that it would never happen again.
I know, right. Sounds like a good plan. Well, I was late today. Precisely 8 minutes late. I told them I would be ten minutes late, so that was a bit of leeway, but still. THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY!!!??? Really? I mean. Pa.The.Tic.
So, I had let them know that I would be late and apologized more when I arrived. I told them to penalize me or being late, because really, twice in as many days. I say it again: Pa.The.Tic.
So I'm talking to Mr. Color, and he's already spoken with Mrs. Color, and they agree that no penalty is necessary. (I couldn't even feel relief at this so disappointed as I was in myself.) Mr. Color explains that the family works on a system, and that, thought the time isn't necessarily important, the way that it folds into the system is. Which I understand. Kids=routine. Jacked up routine=kids unaware of what is happening next. And that, as some of you know, is not the way to begin tacking a day with 4 children, 3 of them under school age.
Mr. Color finishes his chat with me by saying that I am "released and should not let it weigh on me, that I am forgiven. There's grace."
Ah, there is that pesky word. Grace. I mean, it doesn't even make sense. Grace. If you say it twenty times you forget the definition. (That happens with most words-try it sometime.)
Back to me in my self-pity, punish me, give me what I paid for, let me have it, moment.
I nearly cried. Why? Because I am still learning what grace is. They just, forgave me? No penalty? No dock in payment? No LECTURE? Free. Just like that. Huh. Maybe this grace thing isn't so abstract after all.
At the end of the day, when Mrs. Color came home, she asked how my talk with Mr. Color had gone. I told her, told her that I nearly cried. Told her that I expect to receive what my actions warrant. Told her that it was hard for me to understand and accept what they were telling me, because it goes against my law, my experience, everything in my past. No. I do not forgive you. You get what you paid for. You get nothing from me. I extend judgment and punishment alone.
Not only when I was dealt with, but in my dealings with others.
If my forgiveness was not swift, the anger in its stead was sure to be. I knew nothing of grace.
So today caught me off guard. How in the world did I expect to bring the grace of the Gospel to a late, disorganized, pained and dark city, without understanding what it meant in time and eternity?
That's how we represent Christ. As a non-believer, I wouldn't really know what to do with that situation besides file it under really nice people.
But that's how we show Him. That's how we spread His Gospel. That is how we take this city by storm.
Learn it. Practice it. Live it.
Grace.
Well, today, I got just a bit of that grace extended to me. Was it the grace of God? Yes. Every day I am granted much more than I know what to do with. But I am not always aware, and because of that, rarely intentionally act on what God grants me.
But today, today's grace came from my employers. We'll call them the Color Family. C.F. for short.
So, last week I was twenty minutes late to work. *sucks teeth* And I can't stand being late. If there was anything I could do, I would rearrange all public transportation so that getting everywhere by full and half hour increments was the ultimate goal. Anyway, getting back on track...
I keep a journal between the Color parents and myself in order to update them on things they made need or need to know, and it stays at their home. So, last week, when I was ridiculously late, I wrote how profusely apologetic I was and that it would never happen again.
I know, right. Sounds like a good plan. Well, I was late today. Precisely 8 minutes late. I told them I would be ten minutes late, so that was a bit of leeway, but still. THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY!!!??? Really? I mean. Pa.The.Tic.
So, I had let them know that I would be late and apologized more when I arrived. I told them to penalize me or being late, because really, twice in as many days. I say it again: Pa.The.Tic.
So I'm talking to Mr. Color, and he's already spoken with Mrs. Color, and they agree that no penalty is necessary. (I couldn't even feel relief at this so disappointed as I was in myself.) Mr. Color explains that the family works on a system, and that, thought the time isn't necessarily important, the way that it folds into the system is. Which I understand. Kids=routine. Jacked up routine=kids unaware of what is happening next. And that, as some of you know, is not the way to begin tacking a day with 4 children, 3 of them under school age.
Mr. Color finishes his chat with me by saying that I am "released and should not let it weigh on me, that I am forgiven. There's grace."
Ah, there is that pesky word. Grace. I mean, it doesn't even make sense. Grace. If you say it twenty times you forget the definition. (That happens with most words-try it sometime.)
Back to me in my self-pity, punish me, give me what I paid for, let me have it, moment.
I nearly cried. Why? Because I am still learning what grace is. They just, forgave me? No penalty? No dock in payment? No LECTURE? Free. Just like that. Huh. Maybe this grace thing isn't so abstract after all.
At the end of the day, when Mrs. Color came home, she asked how my talk with Mr. Color had gone. I told her, told her that I nearly cried. Told her that I expect to receive what my actions warrant. Told her that it was hard for me to understand and accept what they were telling me, because it goes against my law, my experience, everything in my past. No. I do not forgive you. You get what you paid for. You get nothing from me. I extend judgment and punishment alone.
Not only when I was dealt with, but in my dealings with others.
If my forgiveness was not swift, the anger in its stead was sure to be. I knew nothing of grace.
So today caught me off guard. How in the world did I expect to bring the grace of the Gospel to a late, disorganized, pained and dark city, without understanding what it meant in time and eternity?
That's how we represent Christ. As a non-believer, I wouldn't really know what to do with that situation besides file it under really nice people.
But that's how we show Him. That's how we spread His Gospel. That is how we take this city by storm.
Learn it. Practice it. Live it.
Grace.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
It's not about me
God is stretching me.
Today was our second Preview Service. We plan for about...a month for each of these. Mostly because we have them once a month. Anyway, Friday night, and I'm talking midnight, Donny asks me to do the Connection Card moment. for those of you that know me, I like schedules. I like to be well aware and well-prepared. So, '36 hours' as Donny said hardly seemed enough prep to stand and talk in front of 50 people with little time to practice. I told Adam and Donny that I was scared to be stretched this way.
I know God is in control. And that He gives me the benefit of the doubt when I whip out my planner as if, if I could just write it all down in neat time segments, then I would be in control, able to handle whatever comes. So, when He pulls fast ones on me, I flounder for a bit. Earlier this week I thumbed past 1 Peter 5. In pink highlighter, I have marked: "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."
That's exactly what I did. God has called me and extended immeasurable grace to me. I suffered for just a little while, and just a tiny little while in this instance. And He restored me. In all of my feeling nervous and being sure I would stutter for 5 minutes until someone had mercy or Adam called in the dogs, I forgot. The Bible mentions nothing of me restoring myself. It does say that my attempts to redeem myself are proud, ridiculous, and a waste of the existence God offered me. But I can't restore myself. I can't do it alone. In fact, it's not even about me. "The chief end of man is this, to glorify God." I exist to bring Him glory. So, as long as I submit to Him, a living sacrifice, pleasing and acceptable, He will do the rest.
I'm glad I remembered that in time. Otherwise, even a Connection Card moment, done on my own strength, would have been a major disaster. Both for me, and for everyone forced to endure it. So, it's not about me.
"Rid me of myself, I belong to you. Lead me. Lead me to Your heart."
Glad for all this grace.
Today was our second Preview Service. We plan for about...a month for each of these. Mostly because we have them once a month. Anyway, Friday night, and I'm talking midnight, Donny asks me to do the Connection Card moment. for those of you that know me, I like schedules. I like to be well aware and well-prepared. So, '36 hours' as Donny said hardly seemed enough prep to stand and talk in front of 50 people with little time to practice. I told Adam and Donny that I was scared to be stretched this way.
I know God is in control. And that He gives me the benefit of the doubt when I whip out my planner as if, if I could just write it all down in neat time segments, then I would be in control, able to handle whatever comes. So, when He pulls fast ones on me, I flounder for a bit. Earlier this week I thumbed past 1 Peter 5. In pink highlighter, I have marked: "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."
That's exactly what I did. God has called me and extended immeasurable grace to me. I suffered for just a little while, and just a tiny little while in this instance. And He restored me. In all of my feeling nervous and being sure I would stutter for 5 minutes until someone had mercy or Adam called in the dogs, I forgot. The Bible mentions nothing of me restoring myself. It does say that my attempts to redeem myself are proud, ridiculous, and a waste of the existence God offered me. But I can't restore myself. I can't do it alone. In fact, it's not even about me. "The chief end of man is this, to glorify God." I exist to bring Him glory. So, as long as I submit to Him, a living sacrifice, pleasing and acceptable, He will do the rest.
I'm glad I remembered that in time. Otherwise, even a Connection Card moment, done on my own strength, would have been a major disaster. Both for me, and for everyone forced to endure it. So, it's not about me.
"Rid me of myself, I belong to you. Lead me. Lead me to Your heart."
Glad for all this grace.
Friday, November 5, 2010
It's happening
Again!
How awesome! I had let my passion for Christ become swallowed, overpowered, eroded, whatever, by everything else!
But, how faithful is my God!? 2 Timothy says that even if we are faithless he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself. AAAAHHHH!!!
The passion is growing again. How can a starving man thrive? Duh. This is so exciting.
I forgot. I forgot who I was. I forgot who He is. I forgot that I was Dead. Worthless. Useless. Dirty. Selfish. Insecure.
He loves. He loves. He love. He loves. Not did love, not will love, not old love. Constantly new love. His love never fails. So when I ignore Him, He never fails. When I choose a temporal god, He loves. And He loves without fail, without reserve, without mistake, without regret, without hesitation, without selfish motives. He loves.
Does that not make you crazy?
Create in me a clean heart, that I may worship You. I believe. Help my unbelief.
How awesome! I had let my passion for Christ become swallowed, overpowered, eroded, whatever, by everything else!
But, how faithful is my God!? 2 Timothy says that even if we are faithless he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself. AAAAHHHH!!!
The passion is growing again. How can a starving man thrive? Duh. This is so exciting.
I forgot. I forgot who I was. I forgot who He is. I forgot that I was Dead. Worthless. Useless. Dirty. Selfish. Insecure.
He loves. He loves. He love. He loves. Not did love, not will love, not old love. Constantly new love. His love never fails. So when I ignore Him, He never fails. When I choose a temporal god, He loves. And He loves without fail, without reserve, without mistake, without regret, without hesitation, without selfish motives. He loves.
Does that not make you crazy?
Create in me a clean heart, that I may worship You. I believe. Help my unbelief.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Understand this.
He cares.
For no other reason than He himself declares.
But, He cares.
I do believe.
We will never again say ‘Our gods’ to what our own hands have made, for in you the fatherless find compassion.
For no other reason than He himself declares.
But, He cares.
I do believe.
We will never again say ‘Our gods’ to what our own hands have made, for in you the fatherless find compassion.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Hypocrite
So, I was just thinking, "Is Twitter going to try to get me to switch to the new Twitter every time I sign in? Should I just make the change and deal with it now?"
I know that the change will be awkward and uncomfortable and unfamiliar. I know that I will have to be lost with the new settings and re-find where everything is...It's going to a be about the same amount of work as continuing to press no every time I am asked to upgrade and turn off location updates, and navigate the search options.
Well, isn't that how things work with God. (Disclaimer: God is bigger than Twitter)
Aren't there moments (weeks) of hesitant and unsure transitions before we get used to what He is doing? Granted, by that time we are moving on again, but you see what I mean. I was practically contemplating something completely unnecessary (sshh! don't tell Adam I said that!) while continually delaying similar decisions about my relationship with Christ.
I am a hypocrite. Wow. today is a day for making decisions. New Twitter (cringe). New levels (smaller cringe).
I know that the change will be awkward and uncomfortable and unfamiliar. I know that I will have to be lost with the new settings and re-find where everything is...It's going to a be about the same amount of work as continuing to press no every time I am asked to upgrade and turn off location updates, and navigate the search options.
Well, isn't that how things work with God. (Disclaimer: God is bigger than Twitter)
Aren't there moments (weeks) of hesitant and unsure transitions before we get used to what He is doing? Granted, by that time we are moving on again, but you see what I mean. I was practically contemplating something completely unnecessary (sshh! don't tell Adam I said that!) while continually delaying similar decisions about my relationship with Christ.
I am a hypocrite. Wow. today is a day for making decisions. New Twitter (cringe). New levels (smaller cringe).
I got a job!
I have been busting my butt looking for work in all the right/wrong/long shot places. And where do I find it? In front of my face(s) (you know, to make it rhyme).
What else? I am learning things about myself that make me a little uncomfortable. Okay, a lot of uncomfortable.
There were the things that I mostly already knew. Like, I like having a plan because that means that I am in charge and will know immediately if there is any deviation. Knew that. Didn't know, that when I don't have a plan on my person, I notice. Today, I realized that I did not have a list of who was supposed to be doing Kid's Church. So, if anyone asked me, I would not have been able to answer honestly...Does that rock anybody else's boat? I was mentally chastising myself for not writing the names in my planner (which, by the way, I did have with me).
I do not trust God. I trust Him for salvation (most of the time). I trust Him to provide (usually). But, that's pretty much where it stops. I am firm. I know there is a God. I know who He revealed himself to be. I know that He is just and good and righteous. I am firm in these things. But I don't trust Him to fulfill my emotional needs. I don't rely on Him when I have a bad day besides knowing that He cares, yet going elsewhere to ease whatever ache I feel. I am assured of His consistency. But I cannot recall times when I have sought, relied on, or experienced emotional support from Him. I mean, that's hard to do when I don't go to Him. Peace has come. But not really relief.
My self diagnosis is that I trust His actions, His motives, and His character. But, He doesn't seem emotional to me. I know He wept. I know His heart was grieved. I know He turned His face away in anger. But his emotions don't make sense to me. He always knows how things will end, always and forever. So I have a hard time trusting in that. Like Donny said, "If it's not a logical pain to me, then I won't cry." If He knows all, then how is any pain not logical, not simple, not purposeful. How is it worth crying over?
All that to say, I need to understand that. Because how can I trust His Creation's emotions, if I don't trust His? How can I rely on a human if I can't rely on the One who made him or her? How could I ever relate? How could I ever sympathize? How could I ever marry?
Is it even okay for God to be sad? Is it even plausible?
What else? I am learning things about myself that make me a little uncomfortable. Okay, a lot of uncomfortable.
There were the things that I mostly already knew. Like, I like having a plan because that means that I am in charge and will know immediately if there is any deviation. Knew that. Didn't know, that when I don't have a plan on my person, I notice. Today, I realized that I did not have a list of who was supposed to be doing Kid's Church. So, if anyone asked me, I would not have been able to answer honestly...Does that rock anybody else's boat? I was mentally chastising myself for not writing the names in my planner (which, by the way, I did have with me).
I do not trust God. I trust Him for salvation (most of the time). I trust Him to provide (usually). But, that's pretty much where it stops. I am firm. I know there is a God. I know who He revealed himself to be. I know that He is just and good and righteous. I am firm in these things. But I don't trust Him to fulfill my emotional needs. I don't rely on Him when I have a bad day besides knowing that He cares, yet going elsewhere to ease whatever ache I feel. I am assured of His consistency. But I cannot recall times when I have sought, relied on, or experienced emotional support from Him. I mean, that's hard to do when I don't go to Him. Peace has come. But not really relief.
My self diagnosis is that I trust His actions, His motives, and His character. But, He doesn't seem emotional to me. I know He wept. I know His heart was grieved. I know He turned His face away in anger. But his emotions don't make sense to me. He always knows how things will end, always and forever. So I have a hard time trusting in that. Like Donny said, "If it's not a logical pain to me, then I won't cry." If He knows all, then how is any pain not logical, not simple, not purposeful. How is it worth crying over?
All that to say, I need to understand that. Because how can I trust His Creation's emotions, if I don't trust His? How can I rely on a human if I can't rely on the One who made him or her? How could I ever relate? How could I ever sympathize? How could I ever marry?
Is it even okay for God to be sad? Is it even plausible?
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