Jesus wept...

So, lately, I have been having the urge to cry. Not boo-hoo, but just to cry. I don't know why. The only thing I can think of is that God is answering my prayer to break my heart for what breaks His, and give me compassion for what gives Him compassion, to love what He loves and hate what He hates.

Um, I guess that's all for now. I just wanted to post something. If anyone has a scripture they would like me to blog about, I'd love the challenge.

I love all of you more than I know.

In Christ,

lexi

Look hard enough...

...and you will find a flaw in everything.

Lately, man, lately I have seen multiple flaws in everyone. And I mean everyone, including myself. It seems as if the past few weeks have been a time of my eyes opening to the fact that people are flawed. Can I just say this before I go on: I HATE seeing flaws in people. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. There is nothing that I wouldn't choose over discovering another person's flaws.

No matter what, who, or why, every single day I have noticed flaws in at least one person. And it sucks majorly. So, now, I have to dissect why I expect certain people to meet certain standards, if they are meeting them, and what right or reason I have to be disappointed.

Man, I feel so heavy right now. I wish I had never seen the things I have this past month. And I don't know if it's God or what, but I know of no one in Tallahassee that has not let me down in some way this semester. And that makes me really sad. But again, why do I feel let down? What is my personal stake in their actions?

Another thing, I am not responding well to it. I have not yet learned how to process character and personality flaws while still interacting normally with the person. Their personal shortcomings affect me directly. I have not mastered letting my spirit take over when my mind is reeling from what just happened. I guess one day I'll get it down. Until then, I am amazed at how much I missed in the people around me.

*slightly distressed*

lexi

Right Hand man...

So, while on only day one of fasting, I was at work and God gave me a somewhat entertaining analogy. So, I'm sitting down, putting pipet tips in holders before autoclaving them (sorry, lab nerd jargon) and I have been slowly trying to make my left hand more dexterous. Anyway, I am fumbling, trying to get these little plastic pieces into holes with my left hand, thinking "I just gotta figure out how to get my left hand to do what I want it to do" and God told me this:
Sometimes, this is how I feel with my children.

*WHOA* Crazy thought right?

Here's what I got from that. Some of us, are like God's right hand, we always do what He wants, and we do it efficiently and smooth. But others, we are like His left hand. Which He uses, but is still trying you to get to do exactly what He wants done. Are we the left hand that just get the job done but a little sloppily? Do we skip a tedious task just to finish quicker? Are we short-handing God? Are we the hand that He can't always depend on, because sometimes we just don't get it?

Well, I am. At least, I was. I am now striving much harder to do the will of my God immediately and proficiently. I take Ezekiel 12:6 as my own : So I did as I was commanded. What a simple, yet ridiculously challenging verse.

I challenge you saints today- Do as you are commanded. Be God's right hand man (or woman). Stay in His will and love like no one's business.

I love you all.

In Christ,

lexi

Dream? Not so much...

So, had a couple crazy dreams last night, only one of which seems even remotely spiritual, and that is the one I will write here.
Scene:

So, I am in my apartment, alone. It is dark and just overall gloomy outside, maybe even storming. Anyway, there is this man, dressed in dark colors, standing outside of my sliding glass doors. I know that he is a stalker. And not a 'let's have babies together stalker'. But a, ' if I ever get my hands on you I am going to kill you slowly' stalker. So moving on, this guy is standing outside of my back door and he is completely scaring me. And, I don't know if he says it or what, but he tells me something like, "If you think I'm scary, wait until you meet my brother."

I go in my bedroom and close my door, as if that will keep him out.

So, next day (or whatever) I have notified the proper authorities that there is a man who knows where I live that is stalking me. They send someone and there is a lady security person outside of my front door with a podium. The original stalker guy comes to my front door and the security lady tells him that he has been identified as a stalker and cannot get into my house. At this point, I know he is outside and I am hiding behind my couch. (There are 2 couches parallel to each other.) After a few minutes, he charms her and she lets him in, and they sit on the couch and start to chat. I am pushing myself so far into the couch that I have almost become the couch. So, I move to behind the other couch in my apartment, incredulous that the lady let this psycho in my house. But there was no way I was allowing him to know that I was home.

At this point, I wake up and am told to say out loud, "I rebuke the spirit of fear." But I don't. Instead, I go back to sleep. I do not have the dream again.

End.

So, a few things that I picked up on:
I am scared of something.
I am helpless in the dream.
I employ the help of unreliable, unprotective security.
Jesus told me to do something, and I did not.

If anyone can give me any more insight into the message that was my dream, it is greatly appreciated.
Love you all.

lexi

It has just come to my attention...

...that this fight is raging now as much as in the days of the first apostles. And, if called to do so, it can be a fight to the death.

Ross Middleton's blog speaks of some organic Jesus freaks imprisoned for their faith. Read, pray and exercise any influence you have.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this is mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
-Ephesians 6:18

lex

Who are you? Part II

Where are you finding your identity?
Do you love your family and friends more than you love God?
Friends: Proverbs 12:26-A righteous man is cautious in friendship
1 Corinthians 15:33-Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."
In our circles, we should "Be a thermostat and not a thermometer." Set the temperature, don't confirm it.
Galatians 1:10 question, who are we trying to please, God or man? We are responsible for ourselves now.
Family: The 10 Commandments were written in a certain order, first to obey God, and then to honor our parents. Amy brought up that there is a big difference in honoring (respecting, serving, loving, being there for) our parents and pleasing them.
Moral: Don't live your life to constantly please people, Jesus didn't. John 5:1-9 Jesus upset, likely, the same religious leaders who he had studied under.
Quote time: "Any dead thing can go with the stream, but it takes a living thing to go against it."
Do you love yourself more that you love God? Do you try to meet your own standards first or God's standards? 1 Corinthians 8:6 encourages us not to live for ourselves, but for Jesus.
Romans 12:3
Psalm 139:14 - We have been MADE, we were created. Be identified by the one who created you.
How to practically find your identity in Christ:
1. Look at your state before God. Do you know God as well as He knows you?
2. Understand how much God loves you.
3. Read the Bible-know what God says about you.
4. Believe what God says about you. It is first a choice, and then a reality. The Epistles encourage us to TAKE HOLD of the promises of God.

• Read into Scripture, don't just read over it.
  

Lastly, God spoke this over us, Psalm 144:12-
Then our sons in their youth
will be like well-nurtured plants,
and our daughters will be like pillars
carved to adorn a palace.
Amy broke down the original Hebrew for us.
Sons:
well-nurtured: This means that you are growing, developing, trained.
plants: This says that you are firmly established, fixed in a state of fellowship with God.
Daughters:
pillars: details and proportion depend on your Maker, you are supporters, you unite, you can be leaned on, you cannot stand alone. You are beautiful inside and out, you are made of something more than yourself. when attack comes at you, pillars, it will be in the form or isolation, because a pillar cannot stand alone. Demolishionists target pillars, because if the pillars fall, the whole building comes down. (think about that one for a moment) And pillars, lastly, become monuments, they are still standing long before the rest of the building collapses.
The word pillar, in the original Hebrew, can never be used alone, it must be used in a group, it is not singular.
Identity is so important brothers and sisters, because:
"How you view yourself directly affects who you are, what you will do, and how you will do it."

Who are you?

So, I am dedicating this post to the message taught last night at ENCM. The beautiful Amy Middleton spoke about Identity during our ongoing Love Revolution series. Open your eyes, ears and hearts, this message is one for the books.

• "How you view yourself directly affects who you are, what you will do, and how you will do it."

Usually people think this goes back to self-esteem. But, I must agree, as Amy pointed out, that self-esteem is a flawed thought process. Self-esteem is mostly feelings-based: depending on how you look, your social status, how you look, your accomplishments, etc. Also, feeling like you're constantly striving to get to the next season, or part, of your life may also be a 'self-esteem' centered problem.
Amy presented some catchy but true quotes.
"The way you leave one season is how you're going to enter the next."
"The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it."
Our current society so often speaks of 'finding yourself' or 'defining who you are'. How can you identify something you know so little of? This quote sounds weird, but is simple:
"Trying to identify oneself is like trying to bite one's own teeth."

God identified Jesus before Jesus' ministry even began, right after Christ's water baptism. (Luke 3:21-23)
Jesus identified Simon, by calling him Peter, which means rock, and declaring it into Peter's future. (John 1:40-42)
In the same way, 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that we are a new creation in Christ, so we have to find out identity in Christ.

When identity is found in other things, it leads to insecurities.
Even leading into 'false humilities'. One example of false humility is saying that you are humble but thinking that you are worthless inside. Some characteristics of finding your identity and worth in things other than Christ are: being a people pleaser; having a performance mentality; always needing a boyfriend or girlfriend; being a perfectionist; overly concerned about your looks; fearful of man/unsocial, maybe because you've been hurt in a past relationship.

So that's insecurity, what does security look like?
Security- living according to the reality that God is my hope, security, and identity.
2 Corinthians 5:5-6 says that God gives us His Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
Here come more quotes: "Men are most endangered when they feel most secure."
"Tell me who you love and I will tell you who you are."
"Your identity changes how you perceive reality."

So, how do I find my identity in Christ? The message is finished in my next blog.